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“The parts we can’t tell, we carry them well…
But that doesn’t mean they’re not heavy”

Song & Lyrics: Anonymous Ones, Dear Evan Hansen
Photo by Elyas Pasban on Unsplash

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I’m back

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Oh man, it has been a moment!
I haven’t posted since the start of the year, which has been a crazy year.

Quick summary:
Finally worked to steady myself mentally
Healed my relationship with my partner
Published my first book
Moved homes
Adopted a bearded dragon

So, as you can see I’ve been busy. But, I’d like to start posting again. So here I am.

Thanks :p

If only I could hear these words

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Dear,

I love you.

And, I know I hurt you. God, I hurt you.
I am ashamed of myself. The words I used to tear you down. Dear, I broke your heart.
I can’t change the past. I can’t take back what has been done.

But,

I know I will make it up to you. I will live the rest of my life making it up to you.
I will worship your body. I will appreciate you. I’m so sorry for not appreciating you enough.

Dear, I’m so proud of you. Fuck, you’re stronger than anyone I know. You’re stronger than me.

I will hold you up. I will be your strength when you need it. I will clap and cheer when you stand on your own. I will be right there. Right by your side. My hand will hold yours tight. I just want to hold you.

I’ve fucked up. I’ve ruined you. I’ve dirtied the most beautiful piece of art there is. I’ve broken your trust. Too many times. I’m so sorry, dear.

I know these words may fall flat. I know there’s a chance you will toss them aside. To be honest, you should. After what I’ve done. It’s not you who doesn’t deserve me. It’s me.
I do not deserve you. You are far too bright for me. Your light shines through the darkest times. You are too good.

I don’t deserve your good. I don’t deserve your passion, your dedication.
I don’t deserve your grace and forgiveness.

But dear, please let me be selfish one last time.

Please, dear.