Internal Battle

There are these two forces fighting one another.

One is cheerful, hopeful.

The other is hungry, dissatisfied.

They clash, one standing above the other at the end of the day.

You are worthless.

No. I am good, I am worth it.

You’re a piece of shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

You are a burden to those around you.

Don’t you want to disappear?

I have to stay strong.

Please. Please. Please.

I deserve love. I deserve romance. I deserve affection.

I am good.

There is always conflict. Always uneasiness, insecurity.

Why can’t it stop?

What do I need to do to get better?

How do I believe in myself?

Do you even want to?

Aren’t you tired?

Just give in.

There are two forces fighting one another.

One is holding on.

The other is already gone.

My mother recently said something that has stuck with me.

“Talk about not self harming, what about what you’re doing now? You’re putting yourself through this pain and for what? You may not be physically hurting yourself, but you are mentally.”

And that couldn’t be more true.

Words can be as harmful as actions.