SEPTEMBER FAVORITES

Woah, did September fly by or what?! At least it did for me. I guess I’ve been busy with work and life in general things were flowing smoothly. I’ll get right to it!

MUSIC

I went on a family trip to Alaska this past month and while I listened to a mixture of music, I really enjoyed Avi Kaplan’s songs. They fit the beautiful Alaskan atmosphere perfectly. One of my favorite songs of his is Aberdeen. Check it out here! *Side note: you may recognize him as the original base from Pentatonix.*

FACEBOOK PAGE

Please check out Anxiety and Depression Awareness’s Facebook page. They share great articles that are educating and helpful. They also share truthful/inspirational posts on mental health. Click here!

CATS

I thought I’d share a cute/funny video of my cats hating their sled dog shirts I got them from Alaska :3 *I had to make it into a gif for it to upload, so I apologize for the quality*

SOMETHING I LEARNED

This is similar to a previous month, but cherish the time you have with your family. Being cramped in a car with six people for hours on end may seem like a nightmare to some (trust me, it wasn’t always fun), but my time in Alaska with my family is something I’ll hold in my heart forever. I don’t get to my older brothers very often and I loved seeing how happy my parents were seeing all their children together.

PUMPKIN SPICE

I have no shame in stating that I love pumpkin flavored everything. I am beyond happy that pumpkin spice lattes are back in season.
I recently tried the frozen cinnamon pumpkin coffee from Dunkin Donuts. It honestly is a Godsend when I’m feeling drained at work.
Check out their drinks and treats here!

*Always thoroughly research products to make sure they’re the best fit for you*

It feels like I’m being torn apart

“Just because you don’t experience it doesn’t mean that it’s not a reality for someone else.”- Why Mental Illness Makes People Feel So Tired All The Time

Recently while in a couples session, our counselor asked each of us what depression felt like. My partner hadn’t tasted the bitterness of mental illness before, not until this past year at least when we were apart. He expressed that he had to keep himself busy from wake to sleep, otherwise his emotions would make him “sad.” When the counselor turned his attention to me, the first words that escaped my mouth were, “It feels like I’m being torn apart.” His head tilted, his eyes squinted, and he asked what I meant. Not in judgement, but for better understanding.

I explained that for me, my depression and anxiety were almost these presences that hid in the corners of my mind. It may seem counteractive giving them this power, but they honestly do feel like little dark versions of myself. And they are always hungry. I try not to feed them, but at times their hunger becomes too much and I end up satisfying their need to overwhelm, drag down, and hurt.
I explained that even when I am busy, at work or exercise, my mind doesn’t shut off like my partners or fully focus on the task at hand. The depression and anxiety don’t just close themselves in their tiny brain apartments and hibernate for the season. They only slide a little further into the shadows, waiting. And sometimes they like to peek their heads out for a surprise attack.
I explained that even when I seem like I am doing well for a few weeks or even months, that I am still struggling with my thoughts on a daily basis.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

And it is exhausting.

Not only am I anemic, which makes me tired anyways, but I have to deal with my dysfunctional brain while trying to be functional.
Some days I come home completely out of it I barely make it out of the shower before I’m drooling on my pillow. Some days I’m so tired of interacting with people I fight going to the gym (which I do enjoy), because that means more socialization and expending energy that I honestly feel I don’t have.

I’m not tired because I’m lazy and don’t want to do anything. I do want to do things.
But, I have this opposing force that I am continuously pushing against to keep going. I only have two arms and two feet, and one body.

So yeah, you may have to be a little patient with me while I fight.

And I’ll try to be patient while you fight too.